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Ïðîëîã
The server is temporarily busy. Try again later… Êàðòèíêà, äî áîëè çíàêîìàÿ êàæäîìó æèòåëþ âèðòóàëüíîé ñòðàíû ïîä íàçâàíèåì «Áîéöîâñêèé Êëóá»… Èìåííî äî áîëè. Äî íåâûíîñèìîé ñóìàñøåäøåé áîëè. Ëîêòè êóñàòü áåñïîëåçíî – èõ óæå ñúåëè. “F2”!!! Íåæíî, ëàñêîâî, ñ íàäåæäîé, åæåñåêóíäíî óìèðàþùåé – ðèòì óâåëè÷èâàåòñÿ äî 300 óäàðîâ â ìèíóòó âìåñòå ñ ïóëüñîì è äåöèáåëàìè âîïëÿ îò÷àÿíèÿ. Ñîðâàíû ìíîãîìèëëèîííûå ñäåëêè, îñòàíîâëåíû âåëèêèå áàòàëèè, ïàðàëèçîâàíà ðàáîòà òðàíñïîðòà, ïî÷òû, òåëåãðàôà, çàêðûòû ìàãàçèíû. Íà óëèöàõ íèêîãî. Àïîêàëèïñèñ.
The server is temporarily busy. Try again later – íåò ðåçóëüòàòà. Âûãðûçòü “F2”!!! Âûãðûçåì å¸ ìåäëåííî, çëîáíî è áîëüíî – ýòî îíà âî âñ¸ì âèíîâàòà!!! “F5” – òóäà æå!!! Ñîæðàòü ýòè ìåðçêèå íèêîãäà íå ðàáîòàþùèå êíîïêè!!! Ààààààààà!!! Ìûøü!!! Òû, âîíþ÷èé, ïðîòóõøèé îòâðàòèòåëüíûé êîðì! Âñ¸ èç-çà òåáÿ!!!  ôîðòî÷êó!.. Service Unavailable, ãîâîðèøü?! ß ùàñ òå ïîêàæó “ñåðâèñ óíàâàéëàáëå”!!! ß òÿ ùàñ òàê ïåðåçàãðóæó, ìàòðèöà íåäîäåëàííàÿ!!! ß òå ùàñ ìàíó âîññòàíîâëþ!!! Ãäå òóò ó íàñ ôàçà?.. À íó-êà íà ëåñòíè÷íóþ ïëîùàäêó ñî ìíîé!.. ÍÍÍÍÍÀÀÀÀÀÀ!!! ×òî?!! 380V íå æðàë íèêîãäà???!!!!
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Íà ëåñòíè÷íîé ïëîùàäêå, ñðåäè èñêðÿùèõñÿ îáëîìêîâ êîìïüþòåðà, â òðèêî ñ îòòÿíóòûìè êîëåíêàìè, îäíîì òàïêå è ìàéêå ñòîÿë ñìåëûé è ÷åñòíûé áîåö ñ ãîðÿùèì âçîðîì íàñòîÿùåãî ñïðàâåäëèâîãî ðûöàðÿ. Ðóêè åãî òðÿñëèñü, ëåâîå âåêî ëèõîðàäî÷íî ä¸ðãàëîñü, ïèâî óæå ñèëüíî äàâèëî íà ìî÷åâîé ïóçûðü, íî îí, êàê íèêîãäà, ãîòîâ áûë äàòü ÷åñòíûé áîé ëþáîìó, êòî áðîñèò åìó âûçîâ.
- Ñåì¸îîîîîîðêèèèèèèèèèèè!!! – ãóëêîå ýõî çû÷íîãî ãëàñà ñïðàâåäëèâîñòè îáâàëèëî ïàðó êóñêîâ øòóêàòóðêè ñî ñòåí âèäàâøåãî âèäû, íî íå âèäàâøåãî êàïðåìîíòà, ïîäúåçäà – çàõîäè ïðððîòèâ ìåíÿ â ãðóïïîâûûûûûåååååå!!!! Ìÿààààñîîîîîîîî!!!!
Ñòàð÷åñêè ñêðèïíóëà äâåðü ñîñåäíåé êâàðòèðû è íà ëåñòíè÷íóþ ïëîùàäêó âûãëÿíóëà ñóõîíüêàÿ ñòàðóøîíêà.
- Âîâèê, òû ÷åãî ðàçîðàëññè íè ñâåò íè çàðÿ? Âåñü ïîäúåçä ïåðåáóäèøü!
«Ìàã!!! 10-êà!!!» – ïðîíåñëîñü â ãîëîâå ó Âîâèêà – «Ùàñ ìû ñ ýòîé âàëüêèðèåé âñåõ â êîëÿñêó!!!»
- Ìàðüâàííàààààà!!! – (åù¸ ïàðà êóñêîâ øòóêàòóðêè) – ïîøëè ñî ìíîé â õàîòû!!!
- Íå ìîãó, Âîâèê – òîíåíüêèì ãîëîñîì ïðîøàìêàëà âàëüêèðèÿ – ïîñëå òðàâìû âîññòàíàâëèâàþñü.
- Ýýýýýýõõõõõ! Íå íàðóáèì ìû ñ òîáîþ ýêñïû, Ìàðüâàííàààà! – ïðîòÿæíî çàïåë Âîâèê íà ìîòèâ çàáûòîé íàðîäíîé ïåñíè è âäðóã ðÿâêíóë, – Íàïàäàëêè åñòü?!
- Òüôó! – ñêàçàëà ñòàðóøêà è õëîïíóëà äâåðüþ áóäóàðà. Ïîñëûøàëñÿ çâóê äèñêà ñòàðåíüêîãî òåëåôîíà – ñòàðóøîíêà êóäà-òî çâîíèëà.
- Àààààààà! – ãëóõî çàâûë Âîâèê – Âñå - íüþáû â ýòîì ìèðå!... Ùàñ ÿ èì âñ¸ íàïèøó!
Âûñóíóâ ÿçûê, êàê ïåðâîêëàøêà, Âîâèê ïðèíÿëñÿ òàïêîì öàðàïàòü íà îáøàðïàííîé ñòåíå áåññìåðòíîå ïîñëàíèå. ×åðåç 5 ìèíóò, îòîøåäøè íà äâà øàãà, ïðåä ìóòíû î÷è Âîâèêà ïðåäñòàëà íàäïèñü. Íàäïèñü ãëàñèëà: Ym.,jd a njgre! Gfkflbyjd d ;jgre! Nfhvfyjd d uepyj!
- Âîò äåðüìà êóñîê, êàê æå ðàñêëàäêó ïîìåíÿòü? – Âîâèê çàäóìàëñÿ… è çàëèï.
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Èç ãëóáîêîãî ñòóïîðà Âîâèêà âûâåë ãðîõîò æåëåçíîé äâåðè è ñîáà÷èé ëàé. Òî ñîñåä Ìèøêà ñîáðàëñÿ âûãóëÿòü ñâîåãî ÷¸ðíîãî çäîðîâåííîãî äîãà Ôîìó.
- Âîâàí, òû ÷¸ òóò ðàçë¸ãñÿ?
- Îîîîîîîé, êòî ýòî ó íàñ òóò!? Ôîìêàààà! – Âîâèê âñòàë íà ÷åòâåðåíüêè è ðàäîñòíî ïîïîëç íàâñòðå÷ó ïàðî÷êå, âñÿ÷åñêè ñòàðàÿñü èçîáðàæàòü Ôîìêèíîãî ñîðîäè÷à. ϸñ ñîðîäè÷à íå ïðèçíàë, íî çàïàõ ïèâà ñêàçàë åìó, ÷òî òåëî òðîãàòü íå íàäî – ñâîé.
- Ìèõà! Êóïè àññîðòè ìÿñíîå! 10 ïîðöèé! Îòäàì çà 16 êðåäîâ! – íå ïîäíèìàÿñü ñ ÷åòâåðåíåê, äîâåð÷èâî ãëÿäÿ â ãëàçà Ìèøêå, ïðîìÿìëèë Âîâèê.
- Íå ìîãó, Âîâàí – ðàññóäèòåëüíî ñêàçàë Ìèøêà – îí ó ìåíÿ òîëüêî 4-ãî óðîâíÿ åù¸.
Ñë¸çû îò÷àÿíèÿ ïîÿâèëèñü íà ãëàçàõ ó Âîâèêà.
- Äîâàû! Áåû! – òåðÿÿ ïîñëåäíþþ íàäåæäó, ïèñêëÿâî ïðîâûë îí âñëåä ñîñåäó.
- Òüôó! – ñêàçàë Ìèøêà, äîã ÷èõíóë, è ïàðî÷êà óäàëèëàñü.
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Âîò îíî!!! Æãó÷àÿ îáèäà íà âñåëåíñêóþ íåñïðàâåäëèâîñòü è çàïðåäåëüíàÿ íåíàâèñòü ê ýòîé ñâîëî÷è, ýòîìó ïîäîíêó, ýòîé ïîãàíîé òâàðè ïî èìåíè Service Unavailable çàðîäèëè â Âîâèêå ñãóñòîê ýíåðãèè òàêîé ñóìàñøåäøåé ðàçðóøèòåëüíîé ñèëû, ÷òî ãëàçà âûëåçëè èç îðáèò è ñòàëè ïîõîæè íà î÷êè. Ñãóñòîê èñêàë âûõîä íàðóæó.
Ýòàæîì âûøå îòêðûëàñü äâåðü, è ïîñëûøàëèñü äåâè÷üè ãîëîñà è âåñ¸ëûé ñìåõ. Ñîñåäêà, ìèëàÿ 15-ëåòíÿÿ äåâ÷óøêà, ïðîâîæàëà ñâîèõ ïîäðóæåê-îäíîêëàñíèö. Âîâèêó áûëî óæå ïëåâàòü – çàáðàëî óïàëî è âûðîñëè ðîãà. Îäíèì ïðûæêîì îí äîñòèã âåðõíåãî ëåñòíè÷íîãî ïðîë¸òà.
- Ààààààààààà!!! Íüþáû!!! – çëîáíî çàðû÷àë îí, ñðûâàÿ ãîëîñ.
Ñèíõðîííî èêíóâ, äåâ÷óøêè ïåðåïóãàííûìè âîðîáûøêàìè ìåòíóëèñü ê îêíó ëåñòíè÷íîãî ïðîë¸òà è â óæàñå âæàëèñü â óãîë ìåæäó ñòåíîé è ïîäîêîííèêîì.
- Íüþáûûûûûû!!!! – 120-êèëîãðàììîâîå òåëî çëîáíîãî Âîâèêà íàäâèãàëîñü íà áåäíûõ îäíîêëàññíèö.
Âî èìÿ ñïàñåíèÿ ñåáÿ è ñâîèõ áóäóùèõ äåòåé, ïîäðóæêè ïðîíçèòåëüíî çàâèçæàëè è, âçÿâøèñü çà ðóêè, áðîñèëèñü ïî ëåñòíèöå âíèç ê ñïàñèòåëüíîìó âûõîäó.
Òèõîå ðàííåå óòðî îáû÷íîãî âåñåííåãî äíÿ îãëàñèëîñü èñòîøíûìè âèçãàìè è çâåðèíûì ðûêîì. Âíèç ïî ëåñòíèöå âòîðîãî ïîäúåçäà äîìà ¹8 ïî óëèöå Ïåðâîìàéñêîé â óæàñå íåñëèñü òðè ïîäðóæêè, à çà íèìè, äåðæà â ïðàâîé ðóêå òàïîê âîçìåçäèÿ, çàòî÷åííûé îá ñòåíó íà +10, áîñûìè íîãàìè äîëáÿ ñòóïåíè, áåæàë ÃËÀÂÍÛÉ ÊÐÈÒÎÂÈÊ ÂÑÅÃÎ, ÓÂÎÐÎÒ×ÈÊ ÎÒ ÂÑÅÃÎ, ÃÅÍÅÐÀËÜÍÛÉ ÌÀà ÂÑÅÕ ÑÒÈÕÈÉ, ÂÅËÈÊÈÉ È ÓÆÀÑÍÛÉ ÍÜÞÁÎÔÎÁ ÂÎÂÀÍ ÑÏÐÀÂÅÄËÈÂÛÉ.
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Ñòàðóøêà âñ¸-òàêè äîçâîíèëàñü.
Äâåðü ïîäúåçäà ðàñïàõíóëàñü, è ïî ãëàçàì Âîâèêà ðåçàíóë ÿðêèé ñîëíå÷íûé ñâåò.
Íüþáîâ íå áûëî.  äâåðíîì ïðî¸ìå â îðåîëå ñâåòà ñòîÿëè äâå ôèãóðû.
- Àààààà!!! Êðåñòîïóçûå ïîæàëîâàëè! – çëîáíî çàõîõîòàë Âîâèê – ׸, êðåñòèêè ñâîè ïîðàñòåðÿëè?! ׸ ýòî íà âàñ íàïÿëèëè?! Õàëàòèêè áåëåíüêèå?!
- Òû ýòî… îïÿòü çà ñâî¸, Òîëñòîøååâ? – ïðîèçíåñëà îäíà èç ôèãóð.
- Íà÷àëüíèê! Òû ÷¸?! ß äàæå íå äóìàë! Ïðîãóëèâàþñü òóò! – Âîâàí âåñåëèëñÿ, êàê ìîã.
- Òû, Òîëñòîøååâ, âåñü ïîäúåçä çàòåððîðèçèðîâàë óæå, – ñïîêîéíî ñêàçàëà äðóãàÿ ôèãóðà, – Îïÿòü Service Unavailable? Âñ¸, ïîåõàëè íà ïðîôèëàêòèêó.
- ׸?!! Äà õîòü íà âåê â ìîë÷àíêó!!! Ïëåâààààòü! ß âàñ âñåõ êðîâàâèòü áóäó äî ñêîí÷àíèÿ ÁÊ!!! – èñòåðè÷íî õîõîòàë Âîâèê.
Îí ïðîäîëæàë õîõîòàòü, êîãäà ñàíèòàðû çàïèõèâàëè åãî â êàðåòó «Ñêîðîé ïîìîùè», ïðîäîëæàë õîõîòàòü, êîãäà óâîçèëè åãî â ñòðàíó, êîòîðîé íåò – õàîñ.
Ýïèëîã
Âðÿä ëè æèëüöû äîìà ¹8 ïî òèõîé óëî÷êå Ïåðâîìàéñêîé, ìèëûå ìèðíûå ëþäè, âåðèëè â ïîòóñòîðîííèé ìèð, ìàãèþ è äðóãèå ïàðàíîðìàëüíûå ÿâëåíèÿ. Íî êàæäûé èç íèõ âåðèë â äóøå è ïàíè÷åñêè áîÿëñÿ åäèíñòâåííîãî äüÿâîëüñêîãî çàêëèíàíèÿ, ñïîñîáíîãî ïðåâðàòèòü òèõîãî áåçîáèäíîãî àäìèíèñòðàòîðà èíòåðíåò-êëóáà Âîâèêà Òîëñòîøååâà â áåøåíîãî ìîíñòðà, ãîòîâîãî êðóøèòü âñåõ è âñÿ. Çàêëèíàíèÿ íå ñêàçàííîãî, íî íàïèñàííîãî. Çàêëèíàíèÿ ìîë÷àíèÿ. The server is temporarily busy. Try again later.
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