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     The server is temporarily busy. Try again later… Êàðòèíêà, äî áîëè çíàêîìàÿ êàæäîìó æèòåëþ âèðòóàëüíîé ñòðàíû ïîä íàçâàíèåì «Áîéöîâñêèé Êëóá»… Èìåííî äî áîëè. Äî íåâûíîñèìîé ñóìàñøåäøåé áîëè. Ëîêòè êóñàòü áåñïîëåçíî – èõ óæå ñúåëè. “F2”!!! Íåæíî, ëàñêîâî, ñ íàäåæäîé, åæåñåêóíäíî óìèðàþùåé – ðèòì óâåëè÷èâàåòñÿ äî 300 óäàðîâ â ìèíóòó âìåñòå ñ ïóëüñîì è äåöèáåëàìè âîïëÿ îò÷àÿíèÿ. Ñîðâàíû ìíîãîìèëëèîííûå ñäåëêè, îñòàíîâëåíû âåëèêèå áàòàëèè, ïàðàëèçîâàíà ðàáîòà òðàíñïîðòà, ïî÷òû, òåëåãðàôà, çàêðûòû ìàãàçèíû. Íà óëèöàõ íèêîãî. Àïîêàëèïñèñ.
     The server is temporarily busy. Try again later – íåò ðåçóëüòàòà. Âûãðûçòü “F2”!!! Âûãðûçåì å¸ ìåäëåííî, çëîáíî è áîëüíî – ýòî îíà âî âñ¸ì âèíîâàòà!!! “F5” – òóäà æå!!! Ñîæðàòü ýòè ìåðçêèå íèêîãäà íå ðàáîòàþùèå êíîïêè!!! Ààààààààà!!! Ìûøü!!! Òû, âîíþ÷èé, ïðîòóõøèé îòâðàòèòåëüíûé êîðì! Âñ¸ èç-çà òåáÿ!!!  ôîðòî÷êó!.. Service Unavailable, ãîâîðèøü?! ß ùàñ òå ïîêàæó “ñåðâèñ óíàâàéëàáëå”!!! ß òÿ ùàñ òàê ïåðåçàãðóæó, ìàòðèöà íåäîäåëàííàÿ!!! ß òå ùàñ ìàíó âîññòàíîâëþ!!! Ãäå òóò ó íàñ ôàçà?.. À íó-êà íà ëåñòíè÷íóþ ïëîùàäêó ñî ìíîé!.. ÍÍÍÍÍÀÀÀÀÀÀ!!! ×òî?!! 380V íå æðàë íèêîãäà???!!!!

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     Íà ëåñòíè÷íîé ïëîùàäêå, ñðåäè èñêðÿùèõñÿ îáëîìêîâ êîìïüþòåðà, â òðèêî ñ îòòÿíóòûìè êîëåíêàìè, îäíîì òàïêå è ìàéêå ñòîÿë ñìåëûé è ÷åñòíûé áîåö ñ ãîðÿùèì âçîðîì íàñòîÿùåãî ñïðàâåäëèâîãî ðûöàðÿ. Ðóêè åãî òðÿñëèñü, ëåâîå âåêî ëèõîðàäî÷íî ä¸ðãàëîñü, ïèâî óæå ñèëüíî äàâèëî íà ìî÷åâîé ïóçûðü, íî îí, êàê íèêîãäà, ãîòîâ áûë äàòü ÷åñòíûé áîé ëþáîìó, êòî áðîñèò åìó âûçîâ.
     - Ñåì¸îîîîîîðêèèèèèèèèèèè!!! – ãóëêîå ýõî çû÷íîãî ãëàñà ñïðàâåäëèâîñòè îáâàëèëî ïàðó êóñêîâ øòóêàòóðêè ñî ñòåí âèäàâøåãî âèäû, íî íå âèäàâøåãî êàïðåìîíòà, ïîäúåçäà – çàõîäè ïðððîòèâ ìåíÿ â ãðóïïîâûûûûûåååååå!!!! Ìÿààààñîîîîîîîî!!!!
     Ñòàð÷åñêè ñêðèïíóëà äâåðü ñîñåäíåé êâàðòèðû è íà ëåñòíè÷íóþ ïëîùàäêó âûãëÿíóëà ñóõîíüêàÿ ñòàðóøîíêà.
     - Âîâèê, òû ÷åãî ðàçîðàëññè íè ñâåò íè çàðÿ? Âåñü ïîäúåçä ïåðåáóäèøü!
     «Ìàã!!! 10-êà!!!» – ïðîíåñëîñü â ãîëîâå ó Âîâèêà – «Ùàñ ìû ñ ýòîé âàëüêèðèåé âñåõ â êîëÿñêó!!!»
     - Ìàðüâàííàààààà!!! – (åù¸ ïàðà êóñêîâ øòóêàòóðêè) – ïîøëè ñî ìíîé â õàîòû!!!
     - Íå ìîãó, Âîâèê – òîíåíüêèì ãîëîñîì ïðîøàìêàëà âàëüêèðèÿ – ïîñëå òðàâìû âîññòàíàâëèâàþñü.
     - Ýýýýýýõõõõõ! Íå íàðóáèì ìû ñ òîáîþ ýêñïû, Ìàðüâàííàààà! – ïðîòÿæíî çàïåë Âîâèê íà ìîòèâ çàáûòîé íàðîäíîé ïåñíè è âäðóã ðÿâêíóë, – Íàïàäàëêè åñòü?!
     - Òüôó! – ñêàçàëà ñòàðóøêà è õëîïíóëà äâåðüþ áóäóàðà. Ïîñëûøàëñÿ çâóê äèñêà ñòàðåíüêîãî òåëåôîíà – ñòàðóøîíêà êóäà-òî çâîíèëà.
     - Àààààààà! – ãëóõî çàâûë Âîâèê – Âñå - íüþáû â ýòîì ìèðå!... Ùàñ ÿ èì âñ¸ íàïèøó!
     Âûñóíóâ ÿçûê, êàê ïåðâîêëàøêà, Âîâèê ïðèíÿëñÿ òàïêîì öàðàïàòü íà îáøàðïàííîé ñòåíå áåññìåðòíîå ïîñëàíèå. ×åðåç 5 ìèíóò, îòîøåäøè íà äâà øàãà, ïðåä ìóòíû î÷è Âîâèêà ïðåäñòàëà íàäïèñü. Íàäïèñü ãëàñèëà: Ym.,jd a njgre! Gfkflbyjd d ;jgre! Nfhvfyjd d uepyj!
     - Âîò äåðüìà êóñîê, êàê æå ðàñêëàäêó ïîìåíÿòü? – Âîâèê çàäóìàëñÿ… è çàëèï.

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     Èç ãëóáîêîãî ñòóïîðà Âîâèêà âûâåë ãðîõîò æåëåçíîé äâåðè è ñîáà÷èé ëàé. Òî ñîñåä Ìèøêà ñîáðàëñÿ âûãóëÿòü ñâîåãî ÷¸ðíîãî çäîðîâåííîãî äîãà Ôîìó.
     - Âîâàí, òû ÷¸ òóò ðàçë¸ãñÿ?
     - Îîîîîîîé, êòî ýòî ó íàñ òóò!? Ôîìêàààà! – Âîâèê âñòàë íà ÷åòâåðåíüêè è ðàäîñòíî ïîïîëç íàâñòðå÷ó ïàðî÷êå, âñÿ÷åñêè ñòàðàÿñü èçîáðàæàòü Ôîìêèíîãî ñîðîäè÷à. ϸñ ñîðîäè÷à íå ïðèçíàë, íî çàïàõ ïèâà ñêàçàë åìó, ÷òî òåëî òðîãàòü íå íàäî – ñâîé.
     - Ìèõà! Êóïè àññîðòè ìÿñíîå! 10 ïîðöèé! Îòäàì çà 16 êðåäîâ! – íå ïîäíèìàÿñü ñ ÷åòâåðåíåê, äîâåð÷èâî ãëÿäÿ â ãëàçà Ìèøêå, ïðîìÿìëèë Âîâèê.
     - Íå ìîãó, Âîâàí – ðàññóäèòåëüíî ñêàçàë Ìèøêà – îí ó ìåíÿ òîëüêî 4-ãî óðîâíÿ åù¸.
     Ñë¸çû îò÷àÿíèÿ ïîÿâèëèñü íà ãëàçàõ ó Âîâèêà.
     - Äîâàû! Áåû! – òåðÿÿ ïîñëåäíþþ íàäåæäó, ïèñêëÿâî ïðîâûë îí âñëåä ñîñåäó.
     - Òüôó! – ñêàçàë Ìèøêà, äîã ÷èõíóë, è ïàðî÷êà óäàëèëàñü.

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     Âîò îíî!!! Æãó÷àÿ îáèäà íà âñåëåíñêóþ íåñïðàâåäëèâîñòü è çàïðåäåëüíàÿ íåíàâèñòü ê ýòîé ñâîëî÷è, ýòîìó ïîäîíêó, ýòîé ïîãàíîé òâàðè ïî èìåíè Service Unavailable çàðîäèëè â Âîâèêå ñãóñòîê ýíåðãèè òàêîé ñóìàñøåäøåé ðàçðóøèòåëüíîé ñèëû, ÷òî ãëàçà âûëåçëè èç îðáèò è ñòàëè ïîõîæè íà î÷êè. Ñãóñòîê èñêàë âûõîä íàðóæó.
     Ýòàæîì âûøå îòêðûëàñü äâåðü, è ïîñëûøàëèñü äåâè÷üè ãîëîñà è âåñ¸ëûé ñìåõ. Ñîñåäêà, ìèëàÿ 15-ëåòíÿÿ äåâ÷óøêà, ïðîâîæàëà ñâîèõ ïîäðóæåê-îäíîêëàñíèö. Âîâèêó áûëî óæå ïëåâàòü – çàáðàëî óïàëî è âûðîñëè ðîãà. Îäíèì ïðûæêîì îí äîñòèã âåðõíåãî ëåñòíè÷íîãî ïðîë¸òà.
     - Ààààààààààà!!! Íüþáû!!! – çëîáíî çàðû÷àë îí, ñðûâàÿ ãîëîñ.
     Ñèíõðîííî èêíóâ, äåâ÷óøêè ïåðåïóãàííûìè âîðîáûøêàìè ìåòíóëèñü ê îêíó ëåñòíè÷íîãî ïðîë¸òà è â óæàñå âæàëèñü â óãîë ìåæäó ñòåíîé è ïîäîêîííèêîì.
     - Íüþáûûûûûû!!!! – 120-êèëîãðàììîâîå òåëî çëîáíîãî Âîâèêà íàäâèãàëîñü íà áåäíûõ îäíîêëàññíèö.
     Âî èìÿ ñïàñåíèÿ ñåáÿ è ñâîèõ áóäóùèõ äåòåé, ïîäðóæêè ïðîíçèòåëüíî çàâèçæàëè è, âçÿâøèñü çà ðóêè, áðîñèëèñü ïî ëåñòíèöå âíèç ê ñïàñèòåëüíîìó âûõîäó.

     Òèõîå ðàííåå óòðî îáû÷íîãî âåñåííåãî äíÿ îãëàñèëîñü èñòîøíûìè âèçãàìè è çâåðèíûì ðûêîì. Âíèç ïî ëåñòíèöå âòîðîãî ïîäúåçäà äîìà ¹8 ïî óëèöå Ïåðâîìàéñêîé â óæàñå íåñëèñü òðè ïîäðóæêè, à çà íèìè, äåðæà â ïðàâîé ðóêå òàïîê âîçìåçäèÿ, çàòî÷åííûé îá ñòåíó íà +10, áîñûìè íîãàìè äîëáÿ ñòóïåíè, áåæàë ÃËÀÂÍÛÉ ÊÐÈÒÎÂÈÊ ÂÑÅÃÎ, ÓÂÎÐÎÒ×ÈÊ ÎÒ ÂÑÅÃÎ, ÃÅÍÅÐÀËÜÍÛÉ ÌÀà ÂÑÅÕ ÑÒÈÕÈÉ, ÂÅËÈÊÈÉ È ÓÆÀÑÍÛÉ ÍÜÞÁÎÔÎÁ ÂÎÂÀÍ ÑÏÐÀÂÅÄËÈÂÛÉ.

* * *


     Ñòàðóøêà âñ¸-òàêè äîçâîíèëàñü.

     Äâåðü ïîäúåçäà ðàñïàõíóëàñü, è ïî ãëàçàì Âîâèêà ðåçàíóë ÿðêèé ñîëíå÷íûé ñâåò.
     Íüþáîâ íå áûëî.  äâåðíîì ïðî¸ìå â îðåîëå ñâåòà ñòîÿëè äâå ôèãóðû.
     - Àààààà!!! Êðåñòîïóçûå ïîæàëîâàëè! – çëîáíî çàõîõîòàë Âîâèê – ׸, êðåñòèêè ñâîè ïîðàñòåðÿëè?! ׸ ýòî íà âàñ íàïÿëèëè?! Õàëàòèêè áåëåíüêèå?!
     - Òû ýòî… îïÿòü çà ñâî¸, Òîëñòîøååâ? – ïðîèçíåñëà îäíà èç ôèãóð.
     - Íà÷àëüíèê! Òû ÷¸?! ß äàæå íå äóìàë! Ïðîãóëèâàþñü òóò! – Âîâàí âåñåëèëñÿ, êàê ìîã.
     - Òû, Òîëñòîøååâ, âåñü ïîäúåçä çàòåððîðèçèðîâàë óæå, – ñïîêîéíî ñêàçàëà äðóãàÿ ôèãóðà, – Îïÿòü Service Unavailable? Âñ¸, ïîåõàëè íà ïðîôèëàêòèêó.
     - ׸?!! Äà õîòü íà âåê â ìîë÷àíêó!!! Ïëåâààààòü! ß âàñ âñåõ êðîâàâèòü áóäó äî ñêîí÷àíèÿ ÁÊ!!! – èñòåðè÷íî õîõîòàë Âîâèê.
     Îí ïðîäîëæàë õîõîòàòü, êîãäà ñàíèòàðû çàïèõèâàëè åãî â êàðåòó «Ñêîðîé ïîìîùè», ïðîäîëæàë õîõîòàòü, êîãäà óâîçèëè åãî â ñòðàíó, êîòîðîé íåò – õàîñ.


Ýïèëîã


     Âðÿä ëè æèëüöû äîìà ¹8 ïî òèõîé óëî÷êå Ïåðâîìàéñêîé, ìèëûå ìèðíûå ëþäè, âåðèëè â ïîòóñòîðîííèé ìèð, ìàãèþ è äðóãèå ïàðàíîðìàëüíûå ÿâëåíèÿ. Íî êàæäûé èç íèõ âåðèë â äóøå è ïàíè÷åñêè áîÿëñÿ åäèíñòâåííîãî äüÿâîëüñêîãî çàêëèíàíèÿ, ñïîñîáíîãî ïðåâðàòèòü òèõîãî áåçîáèäíîãî àäìèíèñòðàòîðà èíòåðíåò-êëóáà Âîâèêà Òîëñòîøååâà â áåøåíîãî ìîíñòðà, ãîòîâîãî êðóøèòü âñåõ è âñÿ. Çàêëèíàíèÿ íå ñêàçàííîãî, íî íàïèñàííîãî. Çàêëèíàíèÿ ìîë÷àíèÿ. The server is temporarily busy. Try again later.
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