Юмор: Service Unavailable Дата: 17.04.2007 20:40 Автор: , добавлено:
Пролог
The server is temporarily busy. Try again later… Картинка, до боли знакомая каждому жителю виртуальной страны под названием «Бойцовский Клуб»… Именно до боли. До невыносимой сумасшедшей боли. Локти кусать бесполезно – их уже съели. “F2”!!! Нежно, ласково, с надеждой, ежесекундно умирающей – ритм увеличивается до 300 ударов в минуту вместе с пульсом и децибелами вопля отчаяния. Сорваны многомиллионные сделки, остановлены великие баталии, парализована работа транспорта, почты, телеграфа, закрыты магазины. На улицах никого. Апокалипсис.
The server is temporarily busy. Try again later – нет результата. Выгрызть “F2”!!! Выгрызем её медленно, злобно и больно – это она во всём виновата!!! “F5” – туда же!!! Сожрать эти мерзкие никогда не работающие кнопки!!! Ааааааааа!!! Мышь!!! Ты, вонючий, протухший отвратительный корм! Всё из-за тебя!!! В форточку!.. Service Unavailable, говоришь?! Я щас те покажу “сервис унавайлабле”!!! Я тя щас так перезагружу, матрица недоделанная!!! Я те щас ману восстановлю!!! Где тут у нас фаза?.. А ну-ка на лестничную площадку со мной!.. НННННАААААА!!! Что?!! 380V не жрал никогда???!!!!
* * *
На лестничной площадке, среди искрящихся обломков компьютера, в трико с оттянутыми коленками, одном тапке и майке стоял смелый и честный боец с горящим взором настоящего справедливого рыцаря. Руки его тряслись, левое веко лихорадочно дёргалось, пиво уже сильно давило на мочевой пузырь, но он, как никогда, готов был дать честный бой любому, кто бросит ему вызов.
- Семёооооооркиииииииииии!!! – гулкое эхо зычного гласа справедливости обвалило пару кусков штукатурки со стен видавшего виды, но не видавшего капремонта, подъезда – заходи пррротив меня в групповыыыыыееееее!!!! Мяаааасоооооооо!!!!
Старчески скрипнула дверь соседней квартиры и на лестничную площадку выглянула сухонькая старушонка.
- Вовик, ты чего разоралсси ни свет ни заря? Весь подъезд перебудишь!
«Маг!!! 10-ка!!!» – пронеслось в голове у Вовика – «Щас мы с этой валькирией всех в коляску!!!»
- Марьваннаааааа!!! – (ещё пара кусков штукатурки) – пошли со мной в хаоты!!!
- Не могу, Вовик – тоненьким голосом прошамкала валькирия – после травмы восстанавливаюсь.
- Ээээээххххх! Не нарубим мы с тобою экспы, Марьваннаааа! – протяжно запел Вовик на мотив забытой народной песни и вдруг рявкнул, – Нападалки есть?!
- Тьфу! – сказала старушка и хлопнула дверью будуара. Послышался звук диска старенького телефона – старушонка куда-то звонила.
- Аааааааа! – глухо завыл Вовик – Все - ньюбы в этом мире!... Щас я им всё напишу!
Высунув язык, как первоклашка, Вовик принялся тапком царапать на обшарпанной стене бессмертное послание. Через 5 минут, отошедши на два шага, пред мутны очи Вовика предстала надпись. Надпись гласила: Ym.,jd a njgre! Gfkflbyjd d ;jgre! Nfhvfyjd d uepyj!
- Вот дерьма кусок, как же раскладку поменять? – Вовик задумался… и залип.
* * *
Из глубокого ступора Вовика вывел грохот железной двери и собачий лай. То сосед Мишка собрался выгулять своего чёрного здоровенного дога Фому.
- Вован, ты чё тут разлёгся?
- Ооооооой, кто это у нас тут!? Фомкаааа! – Вовик встал на четвереньки и радостно пополз навстречу парочке, всячески стараясь изображать Фомкиного сородича. Пёс сородича не признал, но запах пива сказал ему, что тело трогать не надо – свой.
- Миха! Купи ассорти мясное! 10 порций! Отдам за 16 кредов! – не поднимаясь с четверенек, доверчиво глядя в глаза Мишке, промямлил Вовик.
- Не могу, Вован – рассудительно сказал Мишка – он у меня только 4-го уровня ещё.
Слёзы отчаяния появились на глазах у Вовика.
- Доваы! Беы! – теряя последнюю надежду, пискляво провыл он вслед соседу.
- Тьфу! – сказал Мишка, дог чихнул, и парочка удалилась.
* * *
Вот оно!!! Жгучая обида на вселенскую несправедливость и запредельная ненависть к этой сволочи, этому подонку, этой поганой твари по имени Service Unavailable зародили в Вовике сгусток энергии такой сумасшедшей разрушительной силы, что глаза вылезли из орбит и стали похожи на очки. Сгусток искал выход наружу.
Этажом выше открылась дверь, и послышались девичьи голоса и весёлый смех. Соседка, милая 15-летняя девчушка, провожала своих подружек-однокласниц. Вовику было уже плевать – забрало упало и выросли рога. Одним прыжком он достиг верхнего лестничного пролёта.
- Ааааааааааа!!! Ньюбы!!! – злобно зарычал он, срывая голос.
Синхронно икнув, девчушки перепуганными воробышками метнулись к окну лестничного пролёта и в ужасе вжались в угол между стеной и подоконником.
- Ньюбыыыыыы!!!! – 120-килограммовое тело злобного Вовика надвигалось на бедных одноклассниц.
Во имя спасения себя и своих будущих детей, подружки пронзительно завизжали и, взявшись за руки, бросились по лестнице вниз к спасительному выходу.
Тихое раннее утро обычного весеннего дня огласилось истошными визгами и звериным рыком. Вниз по лестнице второго подъезда дома №8 по улице Первомайской в ужасе неслись три подружки, а за ними, держа в правой руке тапок возмездия, заточенный об стену на +10, босыми ногами долбя ступени, бежал ГЛАВНЫЙ КРИТОВИК ВСЕГО, УВОРОТЧИК ОТ ВСЕГО, ГЕНЕРАЛЬНЫЙ МАГ ВСЕХ СТИХИЙ, ВЕЛИКИЙ И УЖАСНЫЙ НЬЮБОФОБ ВОВАН СПРАВЕДЛИВЫЙ.
* * *
Старушка всё-таки дозвонилась.
Дверь подъезда распахнулась, и по глазам Вовика резанул яркий солнечный свет.
Ньюбов не было. В дверном проёме в ореоле света стояли две фигуры.
- Аааааа!!! Крестопузые пожаловали! – злобно захохотал Вовик – Чё, крестики свои порастеряли?! Чё это на вас напялили?! Халатики беленькие?!
- Ты это… опять за своё, Толстошеев? – произнесла одна из фигур.
- Начальник! Ты чё?! Я даже не думал! Прогуливаюсь тут! – Вован веселился, как мог.
- Ты, Толстошеев, весь подъезд затерроризировал уже, – спокойно сказала другая фигура, – Опять Service Unavailable? Всё, поехали на профилактику.
- Чё?!! Да хоть на век в молчанку!!! Плеваааать! Я вас всех кровавить буду до скончания БК!!! – истерично хохотал Вовик.
Он продолжал хохотать, когда санитары запихивали его в карету «Скорой помощи», продолжал хохотать, когда увозили его в страну, которой нет – хаос.
Эпилог
Вряд ли жильцы дома №8 по тихой улочке Первомайской, милые мирные люди, верили в потусторонний мир, магию и другие паранормальные явления. Но каждый из них верил в душе и панически боялся единственного дьявольского заклинания, способного превратить тихого безобидного администратора интернет-клуба Вовика Толстошеева в бешеного монстра, готового крушить всех и вся. Заклинания не сказанного, но написанного. Заклинания молчания. The server is temporarily busy. Try again later.
baron Alex von L: 4 Сцинк: 4
КОММЕНТАРИИ: Страницы: ««« 51 | 52 | 53 | 54 | 55 | 56 | 57 | 58 | 59 | 60 | 61 | 62 | 63 | 64 | 65 | 66 | 67 | 68 | 69 | 70 | 71 | 72 | 73 | 74 | 75 »»»
| | Ãîñòü Дата: 07.03.2021 11:04 What part of do you come from? http://investigatorsnorthwest.co.uk/buy-buspar-baikal-pharmacy-ahdv 5 mg buspar twice a day the city of Green Bay has a very large Native American community, the Oneida Tribe who are very much present in this city. Because of that Mark Murphy would understand that there is no way the local team could’ve been called the “Redskins”. It would never have been considered for Green Bay. |
|
| | Ãîñòü Дата: 07.03.2021 11:04 Very funny pictures http://dichvuvinaphone.vn/nexium-vs-generic-esomeprazole-reddit-eosc esomeprazole sandoz 40 mg Each current account provider will use a Current Account Switch Guarantee, detailing the benefits of the service, and will display the accompanying Trustmark in branch, online and in supporting literature. |
|
| | Ãîñòü Дата: 07.03.2021 11:05 How many are there in a book? http://www.highwaytohimalayas.in/buy-cialis-professional-baikal-pharmacy-com-kwwb buy cialis professional baikal-pharmacy com Remember, while you might still qualify for the mortgage now, that does not necessarily mean you should accept the obligation. The long-term prospectus of what that obligation means over time is paramount. Consider the effects the new mortgage payment will have on long-term savings ability, household cash flow and lifestyle. The last thing anyone wants is to be tied to a mortgage payment that they can't adequately support. |
|
| | Ãîñòü Дата: 07.03.2021 11:05 I'm happy very good site http://miamilimotours.com/fosamax-70-mg-preo-polq fosamax 70 mg prospect Remarkably, the mood among many Chinese remains very optimistic. Nearly 90 percent of Chinese people feel that the economy is doing well, according to a new survey of global attitudes by Pew. But Chinese analysts warn against complacency. Hu Shuli, the editor-in-chief of the financial magazine Caixin, recently argued that China should not wait for a crisis to start reform. |
|
| | Ãîñòü Дата: 07.03.2021 11:05 I'm a housewife http://siccarcargo.com/sumatriptan-reviews-baikal-pharmacycom-polq sumatriptan 50 mg preis
While the math is in her favor - Democrats control the U.S. Senate and need to pick up only six Republican votes to clear any procedural roadblocks and secure her nomination - that doesn't mean she will not have to endure some tough questions. |
|
| | Ãîñòü Дата: 07.03.2021 11:05 Wonderfull great site http://indstructures.com/tobramycin-and-dexamethasone-price-without-insurance-poid sol.dexamethason cena
Massachusetts is the leading laboratory for health care reform in the nation, and a hub of medical innovation. From the lab to your doctor’s office, from the broad political stage to the numbers on your scale, we’d like CommonHealth to be your go-to source for news, conversation and smart analysis. Your hosts are Carey Goldberg, former Boston bureau chief of The New York Times, and Rachel Zimmerman, former health and medicine reporter for The Wall Street Journal. |
|
| | Ãîñòü Дата: 07.03.2021 11:05 Why did you come to ? https://fan4you.net/depakote-preo-250-mg-bula-jsiw depakote er 500mg preo 60 comprimidos drogaria sp MMA filed for bankruptcy protection in August, just weeksafter the disaster that killed 47 people and obliterated thecenter of Lac Magentic, Quebec. Some 1.5 million U.S. gallons(5.6 million liters) of oil were spilled, resulting in hundredsof millions of dollars in damages and cleanup costs. |
|
| | Ãîñòü Дата: 07.03.2021 11:05 An envelope http://miamilimotours.com/fexofenadine-180-mg-tablets-polq fexofenadine 180 mg twice daily side effects With the advances in recent sessions, the Dow Industrials has rebounded nicely and has risen above its 21-day MA (currently at 15,026), 100-day MA (currently at 15,178) and 50-day MA (currently at 15,285). The 14-day relative strength index is currently at 76.56, suggesting that the Dow is in the overbought territory. The index could face resistance around the 15,548 level, which it reached yesterday before a modest pullback. Ahead of this level, the index also has resistance around 15,610 and 15,654 levels. On the downside, support lies around 15,461 and 15,380 and also around the 50, 100 and 21-day moving averages. |
|
| | Ãîñòü Дата: 07.03.2021 11:05 I'm training to be an engineer http://www.implantstudygroup.com/augmentin-625mg-dosage-for-strep-throat-bkqx augmentin co amoxiclav 375mg uses Jarvis kept his cool in a hearing where he was frequently berated. He told lawmakers that the decision to close all 401 national parks was his alone and did not come from the White House. He asserted that the Anti-Deficiency Act required him to barricade the parks but that he has made allowances for First Amendment activities from the beginning. |
|
| | Ãîñòü Дата: 07.03.2021 11:05 How do you know each other? http://isapience.net/hyzaar-100-25-mg-side-effects-ypzi hyzaar generic side effects What’s important is that we’re strategic and smart in all those ways, but what’s also important [is] that we acknowledge what might have been impossible just a few years ago, is perhaps possible today. You know, and as it relates to the Prop 8 case, there were a lot of folks that thought that wasn’t possible and thought that Justice [Anthony] Kennedy would never be there on issues like equal protection today, and argued for waiting a long time. What we saw was the courts catching up with public opinion, and so ultimately, there will be another federal court case or multiple ones that reach the Supreme Court, and that’ll just decide this for the states that don’t move along. |
|
| | Ãîñòü Дата: 07.03.2021 11:13 A packet of envelopes http://siccarcargo.com/xenical-120mg-reviews-baikal-pharmacycom-ahdv xenical 120 mg opinie There are lots of ways to admit you're wrong – a card, a phone call, sending flowers – but the decision is particularly daunting for a big bank. J.P. Morgan has learned that lesson the hard way in the last few months, and the question could come up again in the bank's reported $13 billion tentative settlement with the Justice Department. |
|
| | Ãîñòü Дата: 07.03.2021 11:37 I wanted to live abroad http://emdponline.com/orlistat-ratiopharm-60-mg-hartkapseln-erfahrungsberichte-polq ultrafarma orlistat 120mg Ben Gibbard announced that the show would be the last for his group the Postal Service. Local hip-hop artist Chance the Rapper, whose uplifting tales about rising above the gun violence on Chicago's streets, was such a success on a smaller stage that many could not get close enough to see the 20-year-old. |
|
| | Ãîñòü Дата: 07.03.2021 11:37 Could you ask him to call me? http://endlessexpeditions.com/cialis-20-mg-30-tablet-orjinal-mi-polq mdicament cialis 20 mg comprime boite 8 Billions of barrels of oil could be sitting untapped in fields out at sea, reserves which the leading political parties say must be explored to maintain the high living standards to which Norwegians are accustomed. |
|
| | Ãîñòü Дата: 07.03.2021 11:37 Accountant supermarket manager http://wbvhealthcare.com.au/zetia-20-mg-preo-polq zetia baikal-pharmacy.com The Republican-led House of Representatives is on acollision course with the Democratic White House. Both sidesknow the damage that would be inflicted on the country if theTreasury runs out of money later this month, risking anunprecedented debt default. |
|
| | Ãîñòü Дата: 07.03.2021 11:37 I'd like to speak to someone about a mortgage http://endlessexpeditions.com/olanzapine-75-mg-overdose-ahdv zyprexa zydis olanzapine 5 mg "We're trying to ensure that on this occasion the share bookis dominated by responsible long-term institutional investorswho will help the Mail through a long period of adjustment andhopefully successful business," Cable said. |
|
| | Ãîñòü Дата: 07.03.2021 11:37 What do you do? http://indstructures.com/citalopram-hexal-10-mg-teilbar-bkqx citalopram hexal 10 mg teilbar "It's that feeling of helplessness about not being able to do anything about it and obviously anxiety levels rise, you start sweating, you can feel your heart beating faster and you start breathing heavily." |
|
| | Ãîñòü Дата: 07.03.2021 11:37 Have you read any good books lately? https://fan4you.net/oxytetracycline-250-mg-for-acne-jpyl tetracycline hydrochloride water soluble vet price After trying to conceive for the past two years, the roller-skating ’80s sitcom star said she’s now five months along, but at first couldn’t quite figure out what was going on with her body. |
|
| | Ãîñòü Дата: 07.03.2021 11:37 Please wait http://wbvhealthcare.com.au/obat-lasix-furosemide-40-mg-ahdv buy lasix baikal pharmacy He also likes Twenty-First Century Fox Inc, which closed Thursday at $31.02, slightly below his $34 target. Fox is having a so-so year, but Gould expects business to pick up in 2014 and 2015, when sequels to the all-time box-office champ, "Avatar," are scheduled to be released. |
|
| | Ãîñòü Дата: 07.03.2021 11:38 A First Class stamp http://emdponline.com/motilium-syrup-price-in-pakistan-bkqx buy motilium baikal-pharmacy com
"Make no mistake, we would never think about supporting a treaty that is inconsistent with the rights of Americans, the rights of American citizens to be able to exercise their guaranteed rights under our constitution," he said. |
|
| | Ãîñòü Дата: 07.03.2021 11:38 I'm originally from Dublin but now live in Edinburgh http://emdponline.com/buy-antabuse-baikal-pharmacycom-poid buy antabuse baikal pharmacy Another CADA official, who declined to be identified becauseshe was not allowed to speak to the media, said the associationwas collecting data on overseas and domestic prices of differentbrands of cars as well as information on profit margins, costsfor carmakers and various taxes levied on vehicles. |
|
| | Ãîñòü Дата: 07.03.2021 11:38 I'm a partner in http://www.wastec.com.br/lansoprazole-fast-tab-baikal-pharmacycom-polq lansoprazole 30 mg price in uae ГўВЂВњWeГўВЂВ™re obviously trying new things here, a different look,ГўВЂВќ Lundqvist said. ГўВЂВњBut hockeyГўВЂВ™s about ГўВЂВ“ we talked about it after last game ГўВЂВ“ itГўВЂВ™s about all the small details in the game, and if you donГўВЂВ™t do that right, itГўВЂВ™s going to be a tough game ГўВЂВ¦. If you lose the puck in the wrong areas, itГўВЂВ™s going to cost you, and it did today. Probably four of the goals were we just lost the puck in the wrong area, and itГўВЂВ™s deadly.ГўВЂВќ |
|
| | Ãîñòü Дата: 07.03.2021 11:43 A packet of envelopes https://www.iccatlanta.com/vosea-metoclopramide-hcl-10-mg-ypzi vosea metoclopramide hcl 10 mg "In the energy sector, there will certainly be a politicalfirestorm if an American company wins the (subsalt) bid round inOctober," Eurasia said, referring to the deep sea oil depositsthat sit beneath a thick layer of salt under the ocean floor. |
|
| | Ãîñòü Дата: 07.03.2021 11:43 A staff restaurant http://cblynch.co.uk/obat-kolesterol-lipitor-40-mg-uhfk lipitor atorvastatina 20 mg pfizer "We live in a very complex society and the sun has a role to play in it," said physicist Alan Title, with Lockheed Martin Space Systems Advanced Technology Center in Palo Alto, California, which designed and built the telescope. |
|
| | Ãîñòü Дата: 07.03.2021 11:44 Other amount https://cofradiasoledadcadiz.es/orlistat-120-mg-precio-farmacias-del-ahorro-bkqx orlistat capsules usp 120 mg reeshape
“It is a barrier to small businesses and small charities and it clearly does have costs and it diverts limited resources into producing documentation which could be achieved with much smaller resources.” |
|
| | Ãîñòü Дата: 07.03.2021 11:44 How much notice do you have to give? http://dvd-shrink-software.de/buy-zantac-nz-ahdv zantac 150 mg price Simon's vast collection of malls and outlets includes someof the highest-quality U.S. properties, where demand for spacefrom retailers keeps growing. Weaker malls are feeling moreacutely the effects of wary consumers and competition fromonline shopping. |
|
| | Ãîñòü Дата: 07.03.2021 11:44 I'll text you later https://www.gea-solution.com/methylprednisolone-4mg-dosepak-21s-and-alcohol-bkqx methylprednisolone 4mg dosepak 21's and alcohol In early 1964, while Manougian was on a sabbatical from Haigazian, studying for a Master’s degree in Texas, one of his students experimented with some dangerous chemicals which exploded and set fire to the physics lab. The student lost an eye, received third-degree burns and permanent damage to one of his arms. On returning to Beirut, Manougian was devastated and considered ending the project. Instead, he moved the entire operation to the army workshop for safety. |
|
| | Ãîñòü Дата: 08.03.2021 22:12 The manager https://medwynsurgery.nhs.uk/?s=%20%E2%AD%90%20Approved%20USA%20Pharmacy%20Levitra%20%E2%AD%90%20WWW.PILLS2SALE.COM%20%E2%AD%90%20Buy%20Levitra%20Online%20Usa%20-%20Buy%20Levitra%20Usa buy levitra usa
He said: ГўВЂВњEurope must act. Either Europe must act or we cannot say that there is such thing as a supportive, hard-working relationship. And we want that border, the border of Lampedusa, to be considered the border of Europe, not the border of Italy.” |
|
| | Ãîñòü Дата: 10.03.2021 22:01 Looking for work https://cofradiasoledadcadiz.es/imigran-migraine-baikal-pharmacycom-sqdq imigran fdt tablets 50mg Policymakers in Washington appear to have shown little concern over the revelation that a Chinese billionaire, Wang Jing, plans to build a $40 billion canal in Nicaragua to rival the Panama Canal. Yet it should be readily apparent to our leaders that Wang is more than likely a proxy for Chinese government interests. Press accounts indicate that his office displays a mural of Chairman Mao, as well as models of various Chinese military weapons. In addition, Wang's canal consortium is backed by China Railway Construction Corporation, a huge Chinese government-owned enterprise. Wang, however, asserts that he has no Chinese government connections.В |
|
| | Ãîñòü Дата: 10.03.2021 22:01 We used to work together http://miamilimotours.com/buy-sporanox-baikal-pharmacy-bkqx buy sporanox baikal pharmacy Following concerns expressed by Italy and France about imposing the tax to government debt and legal challenges from Britain, however, the European Commission signaled readiness to soften the tax both reducing the rate on specific assets and delaying its roll-out. |
|
| | Ãîñòü Дата: 10.03.2021 22:01 How much is a Second Class stamp? http://cmfcarnesnobres.com.br/buy-sporanox-baikal-pharmacy-bkqx buy sporanox baikal-pharmacy.com LONDON, July 28 (Reuters) - Three of the world's leadingcentral banks are likely to reaffirm their determination thisweek to keep a lid on interest rates for a long time to come,despite signs that their economies are slowly on the mend. |
|
Страницы: ««« 51 | 52 | 53 | 54 | 55 | 56 | 57 | 58 | 59 | 60 | 61 | 62 | 63 | 64 | 65 | 66 | 67 | 68 | 69 | 70 | 71 | 72 | 73 | 74 | 75 »»»
|